Mystic Dada

November 16, 1975
Los Angeles

Dearest Dada,

There have been several 'teachers' in my life who have touched me in some way, but you are the first to be complete and total in this teaching. With others, the lessons were indirect, on a telepathic level, allowing my mind to either embellish and dramatize these messages, or because of insecurities, doubt my ability to perceive clearly. There are those teachers whose words sound reasonable from an intellectual point of view without personal investigation. All these teachers have, of course, opened me in some way to myself, but not without conceptual notions about them or their teaching.
Somehow, although I feel closer to you than to any other, there is no attachment to you. You have turned me to myself, brought me to face myself clearly and simply, the most direct line of understanding that I have ever experienced. You have not allowed me my imaginings, but rather pointed to the silliness of the mind and the uselessness in its travel.
My whole life seems to be gathering force now and funneling its strength into one purpose. That purpose is so full and all-encompassing that words cannot describe it. I know 'thank you' is not necessary, for you have truly been a friend in the very deepest sense.

In deep appreciation and affection,
Sandra Bennett

Dada,

Thank you for the kindness you expressed in your letter. On an inspirational plane it was helpful and an encouragement to press on in this challenge of traveling inwards. Yet I am still left all alone with no escapes any more in avoiding this tricky mind. I have been alone very often since you left. Sometimes it is delicious and welcome, like a cup of hot tea on a cool morning. Other times it is so difficult to stay with it, and I want to hop on my motorcycle and feel the buzz of movement.
But alas, I see more clearly how futile is this illusion of running, so more and more I allow this desire to drop, and I remain still. Premmati is away on her jewelry business, so today I am again very quiet. She supports me in this work to discover who is here behind all the mind stuff. Our friendship does not seem to hinder our inner work. We are both happy with the freedom and help we give each other.
I am deeply grateful for your guidance. I remember very clearly your exercise to remain a guest in my house without forming any attachments. I have few illusions about my progress. Sometimes I do taste quietness.

Sincere appreciations,
Rico

Dearest Dada,

We have not heard from you for many months, so we assume you are well. As you know, Vasu, Premmati and I organized your books here and sent you a count. We all are waiting for word from you and news of your work and future visit.
My life has never been the same since you were here in November. I haven't slept, and more than just a few sleepless nights. Then the depleted body was host to a serious bout with pneumonia and a racking cough for months. Then severe anxiety came upon me and left me crippled, on my knees, terrified of I don't know what.
I was taken to urgent care for a cardiology exam, and then to an internist medical doctor for tests to see what made my body flush with intense hot flashes, which burned my lips and left my heart pounding with high blood pressure. All the tests were negative, and I took a mild sedative to help me sleep and calm down.
The spiritual diagnosis is ego fragmentation: I am facing myself and seeing the enormity of the trick of the mind. I am not what I always took myself for. My life has been one incessant campaign to keep moving fast enough to avoid seeing the truth about the bogus personality. So the shock of meeting this strong and painful fact has been very jangling on my nervous system.
I have suffered beyond anything I could imagine, yet I am grateful. Much of what is false and affected and inauthentic in my nature is giving way to a more tender compassion for myself, for others. I don't make quite as much noise about how wonderful I am. I listen more than boast. I sold my motorcycle and parachutes. Now I raise tomatoes for adventure. And flowers now grow where weeds had. Premmati has been a true friend. She helps me to face the fear and find the way to surrender to this process

4-15-91
New Market, Virginia

Dear Dada,

Thank you for your most beautiful and meaningful poem. It has a powerful energy. It sparked my meditations. I know it by memory and I repeat it often to myself. It lightens and brightens my day. Your poem brought forth a poem in me. I am sending it to you.
You are probably wondering how I am. I don't wish to complain, but just to report that I continue to have the weakness in my hands and the pain in my wrists. The main nerve in my arms and left leg seems to be weakening. I am beginning to develop bedsores at the base of my spine, on my left hip and elbow from the pressure of lying down too much. I have been lying down most of the time for 8 ?years. I am not able to sit.
I am very fortunate to have someone like you to pray for me. You are helping me to endure the unendurable. You are such a grace and undeserved blessing to me.
I hope that your summer will go smoothly and that you will return to the US again very soon. I am eager to purchase one of the first of your new books whenever they are available. I pray for your work, your health and your well-being.

Love and gratitude,
Your sister Helen

Dear Rico,

Recently I was at my Mahableshwar mountain home for a month. I returned to Yeoor and received your letter. You have written a very beautiful letter giving a true account of what happened to your body and mind.
Frankly speaking, I am happy to hear about your account of the experience you went through. It is an unavoidable process of transformation of mind/body. Life, with its intelligence, comes out to unsettle the rigid and settled layers of mind conditioning. This unsettling move is surely a painful process, but one has to accept and go through it without creating a dislike or resistance of any sort. I hope now the experience of pain and suffering is an event of the past. I am glad that you have successfully overcome the great ordeal. You are basically a seeker, and every seeker has to face the challenge of unfoldment. Now take life easy with lots of patience and tolerance.
It is nice to know that Premmati was around you to give support and to take care of you. I was very happy to know that all your medical tests came out negative. How strange it is that any upheaval in the mind affects the general well-being of the body. How intimately the mind and body are interlinked.
I myself have gone through such upheaval and a chaotic condition, but for a very short time. It is a natural process of opening up. A crystallized structure of thought-emotion is like an organic fossil and is incapable of responding to and cooperating with the fresh surging Life energy. So these hard blockages have to be removed. The inner intelligence does this very skillfully, which is the process of transformation. I can see this change opening up the way for sensitivity, tenderness and unqualified Love.
My dear Rico, I congratulate you on going through such a challenging situation. My prayer is, let Life lead you to show the light at the other end of the dark tunnel.
Remembering you often,
Dada

Dearest Dada,

You were so wonderful to come to LA once more. Your visit brought great blessings and such good changes. I never dreamed that the impact of your energy, seeing you for just a short while would do so much for me. I could see that you were tired from your work up north, but your soul was so strong and more beautiful than ever. At Markell's I was 'turned upside down'. I saw three years at a glance. You did so much for me the first time I met you, and the following times you 'touched' me deeply by your words or your energy.
As I was saying about Markell's, I saw across three years the dear experiences we all shared together with Sandra and Ken and Markell and others. I saw how I would feel so much from your teaching and life, and then I would somehow 'get lost' in my contact with you, get tired and overwhelmed with work, fail to understand some of what you were doing, and then lose touch with this beautiful experience. I never forgot the new understanding you gave me as to where the spirit is.
But I am so blessed to know, to experience that mysterious link with you, which is through, by and of the divine energy. I know that I am responding to the Divine Energy in you. I do not know you much apart from that. Dada, I am trying to express the inexpressible. But thank you for leaving India to come to a strange land, for sacrificing all that you did, to bring so much to me. I cannot lose the spiritual contact now. It is too strong and too good to forget now.
Your advice to me at Mr. Badkar's home was so helpful. Somehow I had felt that I must give this new, beautiful energy away and not hold it. But you showed me the Truth again. When the energy gets collected, gathered, it will spill over on its own and in its own way. I began to see so much from that, much more clearly than I ever have, about holding back and giving out in so many different ways.
Helenbahin

If I had known how difficult would be spiritual growth, I don't know if I would have embarked on the path. You know how addicted I am to comfort and avoiding pain. But now I am learning in tiny ways to give up my desperate need to control.
“Let go and let God awaken, let my will give way, let me find the courage to surrender to this sweeping tide of change.” This is my daily prayer. Somehow guidance comes and I find the way. At least I survived another day of stormy weather. It feels like transformation is upon me. I embrace it and somehow hope the vulnerability, which has come about after being so battered will not evaporate as I integrate the new view. I pray my fat mouth and ego don't slip back in control as my body functions normalize.
Dada, I love you and feel shame at how I have avoided you. Perhaps I can hear you a bit more clearly now.

Rico